Where the fuck have we been? If anyone has any idea what we've been up to in the last few days, we would love to know. The last thing we remember was an inquisitive soul asking whether we "really intend to throw down all that Jameson" back on Monday. We came to in front of a classroom full of idealistic young freshmen today at about half one, pontificating about something called the rhetorical situation. Needless to say, we were very interested in our own lecture, as it was all new to us. So we've had some catching up to do current events-wise. We quickly detected an atmosphere of confusion in the blogosphere, as though everyone suddenly forgot why they were writing and whom they were writing for. We attributed this to the demise of the clown prince of blogging. And we admit we were unsure whether we would want to continue writing ourselves. Who can we now imitate, now that ours is the only blog written in the first person plural? How are we now supposed to realize our life's goal of worming our way into His links section? We'll manage, though, content to imitate ourselves, albeit poorly. And we can always fill the void created when we relegate TMFTML to the 'Blogs What We Dug' section with our own URL.We've also been struggling to participate in the established consumer culture, now that the Cultural Logic of Late Capitalism has arrived at its endgame. That's right: in the tradition of Saints Patrick and Augustine, Rousseau, and that opium eater dude, Paris Hilton has "written a book" called Confessions. Though apparently it consists mainly of naked pictures (the obvious question being, what good are still pictures in the face of video?). Evidently it's an instruction manual for women on how to get in touch with their inner heiress. This indespensible advice was summed up by Paris herself: "It doesn't hurt to act rich as well as have a hot ass on parade." As far as we can tell, this amounts to telling females how to be females. Look at what's happening here, people: a commodity created and then shat out by the Beast is telling us how best to feed the Beast. Capitalism has been talking to itself for a while now, but we're afraid it's only a matter of time before everyone leaves the party. We're taking our drink with us.